God's Ordained Headship

In the spring and summer of 2019 I preached a series of six sermons on God's ordained headship as part of a longer series I called Neglected Church Truths. What follows is that series brought together into one article. The subject of headship is important to the family and to the church. Get into the Word on this and you find that many a problem in the family and many a problem in the church can be traced back to a misunderstanding of headship, or a total rebellion against it. A lot of times an issue arises because someone is not in their proper place. Paul was writing to one of the Lord's churches when he penned the anchor text of this whole study, and in 1 Timothy 3:4–5 the headship question is tied directly from the family to the church in the qualifications of the pastor. These things spill over. They are not compartmentalized.

Men and women alike have either misused this text or tried to explain it away. God's ordained headship is not a club with which to beat your wife over the head, and neither is it simply a cultural issue that only applied to the church at Corinth. I have heard both of these extremes. In the home as well as at church, the order as Divinely set forth in the Word of God always looks like this: God, then Christ, then the Christian husband, then the Christian wife. There are many usurpers out there, men who would usurp the authority of Christ and wives who usurp the authority of their husbands. So let us clear the air before we get into the text.

Equal, but Different

Men and women are equal as far as being created in the image of God, and men and women are both spiritually equal before God (Galatians 3:28; 1 Peter 3:7). But we must understand that men and women are different. Contrary to the feminists of our age, there is such a thing as Biblical masculinity and Biblical femininity. Mark it down, this will always be truth regardless of the human opinions and consensus of the world. When you begin with the Bible, the functional differences are plain, and they are rooted in creation itself.

God created Adam first (Genesis 2:7; 1 Timothy 2:13). He did not create Eve first, nor did He create them both at the same time. Adam was created first in order to lead his wife, who would follow him. This is not a cultural order but an order that transcends every culture on earth, for it is based on the very first man from which all others came. God established His covenant with Adam as the covenant head before Eve was ever created (Genesis 2:15–17). "In Adam" all sinned and are condemned, not "in Eve" (1 Corinthians 15:22). God formed Adam from the dust of the ground, then formed Eve from the substance of Adam, so Eve is dependent on Adam for her existence (Genesis 2:21–23; 1 Corinthians 11:8). God created Eve for Adam, not Adam for Eve (1 Corinthians 11:9).

God did not create Eve because Adam was lonely but because he was alone, and he could not fulfill the task of dominion without a helper with whom he could be fruitful and multiply. Biblical leadership is leadership under the authority of Christ. It is not an absolute, unlimited authority. We are not on this earth to show the wife who is boss, and lording over our families is the way of the heathen. Biblical leadership is leading so as to serve Christ and to serve others (2 Corinthians 10:8).

The Head of Every Man Is Christ

Many a man has wanted to skip this part and go straight to the submission of the wife. How many times have we heard men say how their wives ought to submit to them? They are correct, and we will get there. But submission starts with the man of the house as he submits to Jesus Christ. Man is not his own authority. Men, we have authority in this world, but it is God-given authority.

Christ is our head by creation, for He is the Creator of all men (Colossians 1:16–17). He is the Redeemer of His people (Colossians 1:12–15). He is the head of the church (Colossians 1:18). All men have at least one reason to be obedient to the Headship of Christ, but those of us who have been saved and are members of the Lord's church have three. Every husband must see himself continually in submission to God and His Word. Until this happens you will not be the man that you ought to be. When sin entered the first family, it was Adam that God called for, not Eve. So it is today.

Mark it down, God will never direct you to do something contrary to His Word, so you had better be a student of the Word of God (2 Timothy 2:15). I have witnessed men lead their families down some rough roads, either through ignorance or rebellion. God will not lead you to move your family out somewhere where there is not a sound church. I don't care how good the job is. Careful now, sometimes we call something a need when it is really not (Psalm 34:10). Jesus said, "If you love Me, you will keep My commandments" (John 14:15, LSB). Men, be real leaders at home. Lead in family devotions. Lead in prayer, bring your family to church, and be Bible teachers to your kids and your wives. This is your responsibility and nobody else's.

God said of Abraham, I have known him, he will command his children and his household after him. We don't like that word command, do we? God surely does. Pattern your commandments after the Word of God and pattern your life in obedience to it, and when you issue your commands in that same pattern, God is pleased.

Joshua took a stand that day. The modern liberal version says, as for me, we will serve the Lord, but I'll check in with the wife and kids to see how they feel about it later. Or, well, we took a vote and everyone in the family voted the same way. No! A thousand times no. God calls His men, and He has always done this. Abraham found a place in Hebrews 11 because he was obedient to the call of God, not because he stopped and asked his wife first. Search the New Testament and you will search in vain to find a woman called of God to preach or to pastor, but you will find the men being called. Why? Christ is the head of every man. The Holy Spirit will not lead a person contrary to His own Word.

The Head of Christ Is God

You might say, hold on just a minute there, preacher. I thought the Bible teaches that Jesus is God. Indeed it does, and yes He is God (John 1:1; John 10:30; 1 Timothy 3:16). Jesus Christ is equal with God. We call this the Deity of Christ, and in His Divine nature the Father and the Son are one. How is it then that God is the head of Christ? The answer is that He submitted Himself to the Father when He became flesh. Mark it well, He did not lay down His Deity at any time.

The Lord Jesus Christ was willing to submit Himself to the Father and die for the sins of His people. So why should you not be willing to submit yourself to your husband for Christ's sake? God has ordained headship for the sake of order and to eliminate confusion. If Christ was not above headship, how in the world can any man or woman argue with it? There is no shame in a man submitting to Christ, and there is no shame in a woman submitting to her own husband. I dare say it is a dangerous thing for anyone, most especially the child of God, to rise up and say in word or deed that we are above what Christ Himself was willing to do.

As Christ Loved the Church

Too many men read this and think they can be their own gods to their wives. But the head of the wife is the husband as Christ is the head of the church, and that does not make you and Christ equal rulers, because the head of Christ is God. The metaphor of a head declares both the dignity of a husband and the duty of a husband. As a head governs, protects, preserves, and provides for the body, so does the husband his wife. He is the savior of the body in this sense: in providing for her, not only the house and the food but love, and the spiritual things, a good sound church to be part of, Bible reading, prayer. In protecting her from physical dangers and spiritual ones too, making decisions about what and sometimes who is allowed in the home. In doing your duties as a husband, you are preserving her.

I am amazed at how many pulpits are silent on this subject, and even more amazed at those who want it ignored because they say it could lead to abuse. I argue the opposite. The abuse does not happen when this is preached and understood. The abuse happens when it is not preached and not understood. Sure, there are men who ignore this and rebel, but that happens with all of God's law, and judgment is coming for all men, including those who disregard what Scripture teaches here.

Notice that the Holy Spirit gives wives the example of the church as a pattern, but to husbands He gives the example of Christ. You cannot get a higher bar than that. Husbands, you must come as near to Christ in loving your wives as you can, and because you will never get there, you had better not ever think you have loved enough. In measure our love will never equal Christ's love, but in manner it must: true, free, constant, exceeding love. He gave Himself. He loved the church more than His own life, and He died willingly, not for His own sins but for the sins of His people (Acts 20:28; John 10:10–11).

The reason there are so many problems in marriages is headship, and a lot of times the problem starts here: instead of looking to Christ, we are out looking at the world for examples. You will not find a good book on being a good husband at Barnes and Noble. You will not find a good program with Dr. Phil on how to be a good husband, and you sure won't find a good example on anything that comes in on the television. Get in God's Word and look to Jesus.

The Head of the Woman

The world despises this part of the text most of all. Paul is called a woman hater, and those who hold to Biblical headship are said to be out of touch and chauvinistic. The flesh rises up and says never. I'm just as good as my husband. Then that same flesh will try to justify disobedience, and hear me now, when one commandment gets neglected, no matter the reason, other commandments are sure to follow. From the feminist movement to the transgender delusion, our society as a whole has rebelled against the Creator's design, and in the name of empowering women, true femininity has been destroyed. It used to be that feminine qualities were celebrated and it was a joy for a woman to be a wife and a mother. Now those things are mocked. If you want to know the truth about who you are, do a Bible search, not a Google search.

I submit to you that no other system of religion or philosophy, including atheism and feminism, exalts women the way Christianity does. Biblical Christianity is the only worldview with a coherent foundation for the value of women. Where the Bible has flourished, the dignity of women is elevated in direct proportion. Where God's Word is neglected and abandoned, women are devalued and dehumanized.

Isn't it telling that the modern woman is told she is a slave when she is home being obedient to her husband, raising her babies, and following the Scriptures, and that the only way she can be free is by following a career, which many times involves service to a boss or a board? Titus 2 warns about the word of God being slandered, and that happens when we are disobedient to how God has laid it out for families. You younger women need to seek out older women, and you older women need to be willing to teach and help. Good Biblical multigenerational relationships have been replaced by shallow peer-level text messages, and no wonder the younger women aren't learning anything.

Women are to be treated as precious because you are precious as a woman. Your contribution to God's eternal purpose and to family life is huge, and your worth is made even clearer when you embrace your Biblical opportunities and limitations. When you do, blessings fall from heaven, not only on your immediate family but on society at large.

A Word to Children

After husband and wife, the second relationship within the family is between parents and children. Paul uses two words we don't hear often enough: obey and honor. Under these two words you will find everything commanded to children, and neglect here is so severe that Scripture equates it with despising a parent (Proverbs 23:22). Obedience flows from love and from respect, or as the older writers put it, fear. This is not the fear a slave has for his master. It is the awe and respect a child has for his parents because God Himself placed them in that higher position. They represent God in your life, and they were the means by which God gave you life.

What a great example comes from the child Jesus, subject to His parents. Who are any of you to think you are above obeying and honoring your parents when the Creator of the world humbled Himself in such a way? Some might ask, but preacher, must I always obey? The answer is yes, with one exception, and it is right there in the text: "in the Lord." If there is a conflict, it is always best to obey God rather than man. This is the first commandment with promise. Honor your father and mother, that it may be well with you.

Teaching the Next Generation

We homeschool our children, but homeschooling is not the end, and it is no guarantee that our children will grow up to be great church members. Every parent is a homeschooling parent to some degree or another, because children aren't always the best listeners, but they do watch and see and imitate. If we pull our children out of the government system to teach them at home and all we do is focus on the academics, then we have simply made it about the geography of school. What pleases God is a Christ-centered home. There are no neutral subjects. Take math: 2+2=4, and it always equals 4, because the universe and everything in it, including mathematics, was created by an orderly and logical God. Nobody invented math. It was discovered.

The command to teach children was not given to the government. It was not handed to so-called professionals, and it wasn't even given to churches. It was given to parents and grandparents. In days gone by even Baptists had catechisms. I have a copy of one in my library that Spurgeon used and recommended to families. Question 1 asks, what is the chief end of man? The answer: man's chief end is to glorify God (1 Corinthians 10:31) and to enjoy Him forever (Psalm 73:25–26). Basic stuff, but too often we don't slow down enough to consider it. Too many Christian homes today aren't any different from atheist homes. That is harsh, I know, but if you can go all week with no mention of God, no reading of the Bible, and no prayer, how is your home different from the atheist next door? Maybe you go to church, but the Devil goes to church too.

J.M. Pendleton, in his Baptist Church Manual of 1867, warned about this very thing when Sunday schools were still new among the Baptists: "The Sunday-school is not designed to supersede, but to aid family instruction. It must be remembered always that religious training in the family cannot be dispensed with. Parental obligations can no more be transferred than parental relations can be changed. But it may be assumed as a fact, that those parents who are most faithful in 'bringing up their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord,' most gladly avail themselves of the aid furnished by Sunday-school instruction." How often do we hear it today, when folks ask about the church, that one of the first questions is what do you have for the young people? We do not have age-segregated worship of any form here. What we have is the Word of God, and we teach it to all ages, and we will equip parents to fulfill their role as the instructors of their children.

Where did Timothy learn the Scriptures from childhood (2 Timothy 3:15)? Did little Timmy go off to Sunday school once a week? There was no such thing. He learned it from his mother and his grandmother. Sometimes a woman will say, I would love to have family worship in our home, but my husband will not lead us there. My question is, what would happen if your husband didn't want to buy groceries or pay the bills? You ladies would jump in and take care of it, wouldn't you? Why is it any different with the Word of God? Timothy's father was not saved, but his mother and grandmother taught him the Scriptures. You may not have a Timothy in your home, but you are raising the parents of your grandchildren. Consider that for a moment. God is and always has been interested in generational teaching (Psalm 78:5–7), and in the end, God gives the increase (1 Corinthians 3:7–9).

So many of God's people have focused on the wrong things, as if there were no greater joy than to know their children got into some prestigious college, or joined the NBA, or landed a high-paying job. What good are those things without Christ? Stop thinking worldly and consider things from an eternal perspective, and you will know that what matters most is that our children walk in truth. God is sovereign over these things, but we have responsibility. He has placed these precious ones in our care. What are we doing?